By Adam Kaplan
Our household has always been hardliners when it comes to dinnertime because we have always been firm believers in the importance of eating together as a family every night. To this end, we have always worked really hard to ensure that our sacrosanct family dinners stayed intact. Despite clarinet lessons, soccer practices, basketball practices, more basketball practices(!), and a rigorous play date schedule, we have always maintained the integrity of that family dinner. (Really??? PLAY DATE??? Who on earth came up with that goofy name? I don’t know about the rest of you, but I am SO sick of having to purchase flowers and candy for my thirteen year old to bring over to her friend’s house for an afternoon of listening to music, dancing and YouTube videos….)
What’d you do at Camp today?
It is, after all, at family dinners when everyone connects and converses in natural and comfortable ways. It is, after all, at family dinners when the details of our children’s lives are shared with us in a much more effective way than the banging-one’s-head-against-a-brick-wall script that so many of us have perfected into Oscar worthy performances of genuine parent/child interaction. “How was school?” “Fine.” “What did you do at school?” “Nothing.” “Nothing? You did NOTHING at school? Really? Not one thing?!” “Yeah…nothing.” It is, after all, at family dinners when we get a chance to discuss current events in the world and our feelings about them. It is, after all, at family dinners when vacation, weekend, and life plans get hatched and fleshed out. It is, after all, at family dinners when families happen.
Last week though, we finally gave in. With our Ben’s basketball practice, and Josie’s clarinet lessons, and AUU basketball practice painfully spaced throughout the evening, the possibility of sitting the whole family down for dinner would not be possible before 9:00 PM. And given the fact that Josie goes from one of those adorably cute Mogwai creatures (as much as a thirteen year old can be a Mogwai) into the most horrific of Gremlins if not fed before 6:30, (I apologize to those of you that are unfamiliar with the 1984 classic Gremlins….trust me….the transformation is terrifying on many levels.) we chose the safest plan….a split dinner. And with that, our fantasy about maintaining the idyllic family dinner went the way of the Dodo. Last night we did, however, force the issue a bit and had the entire family sit down together for the second seating. Admittedly, it was tough to convince my eye rolling teenagers of the psychological benefits of our sitting down together at the dinner table for a second time. (The Mogwai’s skin was visibly bubbling…. we decided NOT insist on a shower that night!) While it was not a perfect solution to the loss of the family dinner, it generally worked towards the same ends.
I will admit, it is with no small amount of sadness that I have given in to the reality of my children’s lives becoming so much busier and more complicated, which has necessitated our recalibration (I believe that is the word that politicians use when they mean to say “admission of defeat.”) of the family dinner plan. This new reality, while a positive indication that our kids are growing up and pursuing their own interests, is a sobering signal to us that things are changing, and family time is going to be more and more challenging to come by in the years to come…
It was with all of this weighing on my thoughts that I sat down to write my article this month. As is so often the case, as my thoughts turn to camp, I shook my head in disbelief at the genius of the place. (I can say this in good conscience and humility since I was not the designer of the system…..far be it from me to call myself a genius. Anyone that knows me knows that I would NEVER do such a thing…..) At camp, as at home, mealtimes are really important. Anyone that has ever set foot in the Rec Hall knows this to be the case. Each family meal is evidence of the value of this forced togetherness. Each table filled with a cabin of campers is a microcosm of it working. Looking around, you notice families laughing together, families discussing things together, and, yes, families working through tough times and wayward behaviors together. There can be no doubt that Rec Hall time is a SIGNIFICANT part of every member of our camp family’s time at camp. But, here is the genius of the camp setup…you see, at camp, the daily routine is designed so that each camp family cabin eats EVERY meal together….not just a family dinner mind you, but EVERY meal. We never schedule an activity, or a practice, or a play date, or a meeting during a meal. Mealtimes are left alone. While it is possible that this scheduling brilliance was created as a way to simplify things for our kitchen crew, I prefer to believe that this was done, at least in part, with the knowledge and belief that when families spend time together around the table, the roots grow deeper and the connections grow more significant.
As many of you know, I often refer to each summer that we enjoy at camp as a radical utopian experiment in which we strive to create as perfect of a world as possible. Separated from the “real world,” we are able to construct our own world where team practices take place separate from meal times, music lessons take place separate from meal times, and meetings take place separate from meal times. Part of our utopia is an acknowledgement that families that eat together are stronger families. Now, if I can just convince the Boise area basketball coaches and riding instructors that this is the case as well, I can bring a little more utopia to Idaho….
Dining together since 1929!