By Adam Kaplan
For those of you that are unaware, my family and I just moved from Boise to Minneapolis. If I am being totally honest, this move filled me with more than a little trepidation. I truly love Boise and the life that I carved out there felt more like HOME than anything I had experienced since childhood. And while the reasons for leaving Boise and coming to Minneapolis were good ones, I was nervous. I liked my house in Boise, I liked my bed in Boise, I liked my friends in Boise, I liked the food in Boise….I was just comfortable in Boise…Boise was home.
When I arrived here in Minneapolis, it turned out that my nervousness about the move was well placed. The house wasn’t the same house. It’s smaller and a bit less comfortable. The bed wasn’t the same bed. My favorite mattress ever didn’t make the trip to Minnesota and I have been forced to get used to a different one. My friends here in Minnesota aren’t the same as the ones in Boise. While I am lucky and have some pre-existing friendships here (thanks to camp…and Steph’s family), it’s not the same as the folks in Boise that I have seen regularly for nearly 15 years. My favorite Indian, Chinese, and pizza places are all in Boise and I haven’t been able to find their match here in Minnesota yet. It just didn’t feel like home.
….and then it dawned on me. I’m homesick.
Who’d have thunk it? Homesick?! A grown man, a professional in the field of creating welcoming spaces, and an expert on homesickness no less! But for sure that’s what it is. Given my prowess in these areas, you might think that I would be able to shake my homesickness simply by becoming aware of it. But, that’s not how homesickness works. I am often asked how we handle homesickness at camp by new parents. I suspect what they are hoping for is a tried and true sure fire quick fix that we have perfected at Camp. What I tell them though, is that there is no silver bullet when it comes to adjustment issues (the camp director’s nomenclature attempting to rebrand homesickness!). Ultimately homesickness just takes time. Certainly, you can make that time easier by staying active and engaged, and leaning on people around you that care about you and want to help (although even your favorite homesickness expert spent a few days trying out the method of seclusion and wallowing….it didn’t work!)
Well, believe it or not, while there may not be a ton of experts on homesickness here in Minnetonka/Hopkins (I live on the border), this place seems to have naturally developed a way of helping someone through their adjustment issues. It started with some of our pre-existing relationship folk reaching out to make sure that we felt welcomed and ask if we needed anything. A lunch invitation from a close childhood friend and his wife, several dinners with the extended family, a gift of some delicious banana bread, some homemade pesto in a mason jar and it was made clear to me that our folks here did care and wanted to make sure we felt connected and cared for. Just like any good counselor would do, those that already felt a sense of responsibility for us, stepped right up and did their part.
As helpful as a counselor can be in helping with a camper’s homesickness, just as important is the help that other campers, those folks that you share the space with and are a part of your every day life….in my case, my neighbors. I feel so fortunate to have landed in one of those neighborhoods where people go out of their way to make sure you feel a part of things and welcomed. These are the kinds of people that don’t let you walk by without a friendly word at worst, or far more common, engaging in a warm and welcoming conversation. They stopped by the house, they invited us to sit down as we passed their homes. They clearly were deliberate about making us feel comfortable.
Now as I said before here, experience has taught me that there is no magic cure for homesickness. So, if I am being honest with you all, I am still working on some adjustment issues with this move. I know it takes time. The warmth and caring of my new community here in Minnesota is certainly making things much easier and will undoubtedly shorten that time.
Now I realize that this was a pretty darn self-indulgent article as I worked through my internal struggles with all of you (ok…the two or three of you that made it this far in the article!), but I just wanted to share with you how once again, the lessons that we learn at camp are applicable and invaluable to our lives long after we have left camp.
….and…if someone new has moved into your neighborhood, make it a point to reach out and make them feel welcome. Not only will it mitigate the possibility that the new neighbor will show up on your porch, start wailing and yelling at you to send them back to where they came from, but more importantly, YOU can make your neighborhood A Place Of Welcome For All.
