By Adam Kaplan
My daughter, Josie, plays clarinet in several of her school bands. She plays in the Jazz Band, the Pep Band, and the Wind Ensemble. (Ok…maybe a bit of paternal braggadocio there…but I am going somewhere with all of this…hang on.) As part of the school’s program, they offer a trip every spring break for the band members to have an experience traveling as a group and performing in front of new audiences. This year, they are going to Costa Rica!
I have always wanted to visit Costa Rica…
The volcanos, jaguars, sloths, monkeys, rainforests, you name it, Costa Rica seems to have it all and everyone that visits absolutely loves it. And my Costa Rican fantasy was on the verge of becoming reality when the band director, having heard all about Josie’s dad and his renowned skills with adolescents, sent me a note asking if I would consider being the chaperone for the trip! And just like that…I was getting my Costa Rica trip. Sometimes I just can not get over the good fortune I consistently have benefitted from throughout my life.
And then Josie asked me if she could talk to me…
She let me know that as much as she truly loves me, and knows that I would be a definite asset to the trip…she did not want me to go. Now to be clear, her rationale for this was not the typical teenage “OMG dad, no way you can go, you are soooo embarrassing!” (although I totally am). Josie does not usually feel that way about me…her brothers on the other hand have absolutely had it with dad and his embarrassing insistence on proving to every store clerk, restaurant server, and receptionist just how funny he is. Her decision to ask me not to chaperone this trip was based on her belief that if I came, I would inhibit her because she would still have a parent there to be her safety net – this could impede her from having to stretch herself emotionally with her bandmates, stop her from solving problems on her own, prevent her from making her own decisions without a parent sounding board to affirm them, avoid having to feel discomfort – all experiences that will help her grow as a person and develop important life skills.
To say I was wounded was an understatement. Not only was I going to be denied my dream trip to Central America, but my child, the sweet one that always wants me around, didn’t want me around. I protested…I moped…I sulked…I whined.
And then I woke up.
For 21 years now, I have been telling anyone that would listen that one of the most important things that a parent can do to truly help their child and let their child know that they love them and believe in them…is to let them do things on their own.
One of the wonderful things about us modern parents is that, in general, we are much more engaged in our children’s lives than our parents were. We are more engaged with their schools, their friends, their sports, virtually every facet of their lives. This has led to our children feeling more supported, mentored, guided and generally loved.
It has also created kids that are less capable. You see, in our efforts to give our children the best childhoods that we possibly can, and set them up with as many advantages as we can moving forward, we well-meaning modern parents often forget that among the most important skills that a child can learn is autonomy. They need to be able to try new things, make mistakes, flounder a bit, dig down deep and then discover that they are capable of things that they never thought they were capable of.
I have been preaching this message to prospective and nervous parents for two decades now. Yes, you love your kid. Yes, you want to give them every advantage. Yes, one of the necessary things that has to be done to gift these things to your kids is to give them time away from you. Time to figure things out on their own.
Think back for a moment parents….think about your childhood. Think about the most significant, fun, funny, and important moments from your childhood. I am betting that in almost every case, your parents were not there.
And so despite my protests, sulks, mopes, and whines…I knew Josie was right. Of course she was better off without her dad hovering during her Costa Rica trip. The possibilities of her Central American trip being truly significant in her development would significantly increase WITHOUT her dad.
But man…I really wanted to go to Costa Rica. I sure hope the school posts daily photos of Josie during her adventure so that I can feel like I am a part of it, and inspect how she looks to make sure that everything is going ok, and call the school to intervene if she doesn’t look appropriately joyous in every photo. Or maybe that’s not such a good idea either.
When working to plan this alumni get-together, by far the most challenging piece of the puzzle was locating and inviting our alumni. Camp Nebagamon has a pretty robust database of information for our alumni community that includes not just contact information, but also the specific years at camp each of us has spent as both campers and staff members. It’s built on a platform called CampMinder, which is the system you are asked to login to if you want to access our
This past weekend I had the unique honor of hosting around 30 alumni from the greater St. Louis region, representing an astounding nine decades of camping at Nebagamon. We had alumni whose first year at camp was Adam and Stephanie’s first year as directors in 2004…and we had an alumni in attendance whose first year at camp was 1944! The range of experience and stories and memories on display was truly inspiring and moving. In addition to some drinks, ice cream, and the requisite toasted ravioli and Provel cheese covered St. Louis-style pizza (you either love it or hate it), there was great conversation, a special slideshow featuring our St. Louis alums, a great video showing off what camp looks like in the modern era, and even a special exhibit of archival letters and mementos from my father, L.D. Brodsky’s time as a camper and staff member in the 50’s and 60’s. All in all the vibe was great and a good time seemed to be had by all. I have had the good fortune of attending both the 75th and 90th Anniversary celebrations as well as many camp reunions over the years and it never ceases to amaze and humble me to hear from men who are decades removed from their time as campers and staff members at Nebagamon who still passionately speak to their summers at Camp as having been singularly formative and foundational to their life experience and the people they are today. I couldn’t be more grateful for the opportunity to commune with these members of our incredible alumni community in St. Louis this past weekend and I can not wait to bring this show on the road in the near future.
Thank you to our St. Louis friends and alumni who came out to help celebrate our first Camp Nebagamon Alumni Assembly:
This month, Troika and I attended the American Camp Association’s national conference, a week-long gathering of thousands of camp professionals from around the country. We attended sessions on a wide variety of topics, covering camper social-emotional learning, alumni relations, strategic planning, DEI initiatives, and much more, all through the lens of summer camp.
Camp builds deep friendships because the people who you meet at camp weren’t just randomly assigned to the same dorm as you. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been going to camp for so long, or because at this point in my life, all my friends are camp friends. But it hadn’t really occurred to me that camp friendships are built on so much more than simply convenience, and that’s what helps make them so strong.
With just a few days left in the month of February, the scene outside my office window was looking very April. The only snow in view was a few stubborn low piles in the shadiest areas near my yard. A thin and bedraggled patch of ice was seen on the pond area out back of my house. Caretaker Andy found only six inches of ice out on Lake Nebagamon on his last trip out to catch a fish from under the ice. (The fishing has been pretty poor, he also reported.) Typically there would be between 20 and 30 inches of ice at this point in an average winter! Thankfully, area ice-adventurers have been practicing caution and no one has been foolish enough to take anything larger than a small 4-wheeler out on the ice. Strangely, for almost all of February, we have had but one day of winter-like temperatures each week. For the first three weeks of the month it was on Friday. Each week’s forecast called for temps 15-20 degrees above average for both daytime highs as well as nighttime lows. But each week the forecast called for average or below average temps for Thursday night through Saturday morning with above average predicted again by Saturday afternoon. So we would go through the week with temps well into the 30s and even into the 40s with an occasional 50 thrown in, and then plummet deep into the 20s on Friday then bounce right back to the mid-30s or higher for the weekend and start of the next week. On the “Winter” Fridays, we might see a dusting to an inch of snow fall, which of course was gone by Sunday morning. According to the National Weather Service in Duluth, this is the least amount of snowfall at this point in the winter since record keeping began!
Of course, all of this dry warm winter weather has wreaked havoc on all of the area’s winter festivities. Ice fishing contests have all been canceled due to thin ice. Almost all of the dog sled races in the region had to be canceled. At least up in Alaska, they are having a snowy winter and were able to hold the Jr. Iditarod sled dog race. The race covers 150 miles in the Alaskan wilderness and is run by teens from 14-17 years old. With no local races held this year, all area eyes were on the Jr. Iditarod watching a local 17-year-old from Brule, Wisconsin, just up County Road B from camp. Well Morgen Martens didn’t let his local fans down as he took second place in the Jr Iditarod! Closer to home, The American Birkebeiner, the largest cross country ski marathon in the US, was under threat of cancelation due to no snow. This year marked the 50
Leading our Trip Program are Trip Director Jonah Domsky and Assistant Trip Director Grant Sachs. Packing out trips this summer is returning Quartermaster Jon Star. And Bill Hensel and Ron Gaare will be back in the driver’s seat as trip drivers this year. Wilderness Trip Leaders this summer include returners Phoebe Stern, Jaden Beltzman, and Kam Denney. They’re joined by newcomers Micah Stone, Hailey Riven, Drew Smith, and Saskia Wilson.
4th Grade Campers: Lu Apffel, Ezra Bennet, Sam Bernstein, Maxwell Block, Will Bratlien, Rex Frank, Bernie Goldstein, Henry Hengel, Jack Henrick, Santi Hernandez, Reuben Katz, Henry Knutson, Brule Kurowski, James Langley, Graham Marek, Max Seidman, William Sosa Najera, Max Strasberg, Elliot Tone, Hector Ventura Borja, Marc White, Dylan Wolf, Gray Wyler
8th – Jake Apple, Philip Bettencourt