By Joe Crain
Is it just me or does anybody else get the impression that February, the shortest month of the year, often seems to pass the slowest? Is it just its location on the calendar as the third month of hard winter that make it seem like its mere 28 days last forever? Could it be that, after making it through the harsh transitional weather of December and the brutal cold and blizzards that always seem to come with January, we are at the end of our metaphorical rope when it comes to dealing with all of winter’s challenges?
Is it just a geographical phenomenon? Do those of you who live in areas of the country that don’t experience the harsh realities of winter in the form of cold and deep snow, below zero “cold snaps”, and harsh wind chills, wonder what I could possibly be talking about? Are those of you who live in the warmer geographical spots of this vast country wondering where has the little month of February gone so quickly? And what’s with this caretaker guy! He needs to poke his nose out of his igloo a bit more often! Can’t he see that February is obviously a fast, tidy little month of only 28 days, two days shorter than four of the other months and a full three days shorter than another seven. And even during a leap year, that odd calendar balancing phenomenon that happens every four years and adds to it a day, it is still but a runt of a month!
Maybe I should blame this temporal dysmorphia I experience each February on the odd events that take place on the second day of the calendar’s shortest month: that peculiar obsession with weather prognosticating rodents. Could the singular event of whether a Groundhog (also known as a woodchuck, or my personal favorite, a whistle pig) sees its shadow or not place so many delightful thoughts of spring inside my head at such an absurdly early part of this stunted month make the snow I am forced to shovel, seemingly over and over again, off of the same stretch of walkway, year after year, cause this time elongating phenomenon? (Is it just me or can any of you here Sonny and Cher start to sing the song “I got you Babe”?)
Maybe the time dilation I experience each February is merely a psychological artifact caused by the tedium of being stuck mostly indoors for each of the month’s not-so numerous 28 days. Put in medical terms, maybe it’s just “Cabin Fever.” Hmm, a quick check of the internet and my trusty, go-to health website “Facty-Health”; “Cabin Fever is not an actual medical diagnosis, however the effects of this non-illness are real!” Let’s see, the symptoms of “C. F.” are depression, anxiety, restlessness, and loneliness. No mention of Temporal Dysmorphia or Time Dilation… so I guess it’s not “C.F.”
Well whatever it is that causes me to experience the impression that February, the shortest month of the year, often seems to pass the slowest, it is nearing its inevitable conclusion due to the fact that at long last, March has arrived. You know, March, the month that seems like it should be part of spring but in reality, this far north, is just the 4th month of winter!
Cue Sonny & Cher singing: “They say we’re young but we don’t know. We won’t find out until we grow….” Having the weirdest day, it’s Caretaker Joe At Camp.
Feeling discombobulated?