Camp Nebagamon

By Adam Kaplan

If you have been paying attention at all these days, you are aware of the fact that people are becoming more and more aware of what they are eating, where that food is sourced from, and the health implications of all of it.

One need only look at the fast-food restaurants around the country to know that there is a change happening. The Panera company has pledged that by 2022 all artificial products will be absent from their stores. Chipotle prides itself on using sustainably raised ingredients. Subway made the choice to remove that weird “yoga mat” material from their breads. Taco Bell has made the “pink slime” meat additive a thing of the past. Burger King now makes healthier french fries (sure they still have the old fries and they are cheaper than the healthy ones…but it’s a start!) and their Impossible Burger has been hugely successful. McDonalds has recently announced that they will be eliminating the use of chicken raised with antibiotics. And KFC…well…never mind that one. The KFC Glazed Donut Chicken sandwich, consisting of a deep-fried chicken filet sandwiched between two glazed donuts, is still alive and well. (If you have never tried one of these Glazed Donut Chicken sandwiches, my son Ben and I can share a story about the time we decided to go for it on a drive between Salt Lake City and Laughlin, Nevada. The moral of the story is that these should not be eaten just before a long car ride. And if you want to know which rest stops are the nicest, on the road between Salt Lake City and Laughlin, we can tell you…we know every one of them!)

Scientific research makes it clear that the food choices we make affect everything, including our mood, our motivation, and our overall health. The scientific community has spoken loudly and clearly about the dangers and benefits of our food choices. Of course, the latest food villain changes periodically. For years we were told that if we had any hope of staying healthy we needed to avoid salt in our diets. After that, red meat was found to be the health boogeyman. Soon after that, scientific unanimity was achieved on the topic of the need to eliminate fat from our foods. Then carbs, then glutens, and now all sugars…

With all of this in mind, we will be instituting some changes for this coming summer. We are well aware of the fickle and ever-changing nature of the foods that scientists admonish us to avoid at all costs. It is likely that by next year, sugar, which is currently the MUST ELIMINATE food, will be replaced by dairy, or rice, or lima beans, or something else. We do not want to fall victim to the latest food panic. Having said that, it is clear that one food always has been and always will be the healthiest of choices. One need only stop by the super coolest and hippest restaurants in town to see that the only true superfood in the world is KALE. So, it is with great pride that we announce that starting with the summer of 2021, all of the food served at Camp Nebagamon will be entirely based in kale.

Now, we know that this change may be frightening for some of our campers as they wonder what will happen to their favorite camp foods. But, not to worry, we are sure that you will barely notice the change. The change in our opening night meal, spaghetti with meat sauce, will barely be perceptible as we move to a bright green kale pasta with a sauce made simply of olive oil and wilted kale leaves. All sandwich meals will consist of two slices of kale with a kale pâté, you know, to keep it moist and, of course, lightly salted kale chips on the side. (We apologize for this salt deviation. Our best Swamper scientists are working on a kale-based salt alternative…stay tuned!) Sunday morning coffee cake will undergo a major overhaul as we serve kale smoothies instead, made from blended kale…and blended kale. And the crowning achievement of this new plan will be the alteration of the true root of all evil at camp…Brownie Glop. We knew the elimination of this dish would cause some consternation with the kids, so we are tweaking it rather than getting rid of it all together. Instead of undercooked brownies covered with vanilla ice cream, we will serve warmed under-ripened kale leaves covered with a chilled, liquefied kale reduction sauce. We are sure the kids won’t notice the difference…except for the color, texture, taste and overall palatability. In fact, we served the new and improved Brownie Glop to Josh, Ben and Josie the other night. To be sure, their reactions were not quite as enthusiastic as we had hoped for. Josh declared it “unbelievably gross.” Ben noted that he would rather eat sand covered in a tar sauce. And Josie, after eating her first full bite, asked if it was possible to switch parents at age 14. So, admittedly, we are off to a slow start in getting the “buy-in” we were hoping for. But we know it will come! Wait till they try the Kale S’more Pie tonight!

So, all of us at the Camp Nebagamon offices wanted to make sure that you, our camp family, knew that we stay current on nutritional developments, care deeply for the health and nutrition of our campers, and also had calendars that indicated that today is, in fact, APRIL FOOLS DAY!

Keep The Kales Burning…

“Kale? For dessert? Hi-Five!”