By Adam Kaplan
Without a doubt, this has been a significant few months in the history of Camp Nebagamon. As most of you know, in November we announced that Nebagamon’s Board of Directors would begin a search for a new Camp Director. With a tremendously loyal and active alumni base, a dedicated and committed staff, and wonderfully invested campers, this announcement caused quite a stir in the camp community. The announcement was met with excitement about the future of camp, anxiety about finding the right leader, and relief about the end of the repetitive jokes (as some of you might know, I am a firm proponent of the maxim, “Repetition equals comedy”), off-key singing (as some of you might know, while I believe I have a voice that suggests the brushstrokes of a master painter, others point out that I do not EVER stay on one key!) and long-winded post-council fire speeches (as some of you might know, I believe that if you say enough words, you are bound to say SOMETHING right)!
Over the course of the past few months, Board’s search committee sought alumni, staff, parent and camper input; put together a list of the criteria they believe necessary for the new leadership; reviewed many applications; spoken with many applicants; and overall worked incredibly diligently to find all of us the right Director. Their efforts have been enormously time-consuming, and yet they were each happy to put in whatever work was necessary because the task at hand felt so significant.
During this process, the incredibly wise search committee knew that their best sources of insight about both what the job requires and the candidates who applied were Stephanie and me, as we have held the position for 21 years now and are close with almost everyone who applied for it.
What ensued was multiple calls and meetings with us to suss out all of these details. By the middle of it, it became clear to everyone involved (particularly Steph and me) that there was simply no replacing us. We are simply far too talented… far too charismatic… far too humble.
However, the announcement of our retirement had already been made, so sadly there was no turning back. So the Board decided to use modern technology and turned to Chat GPT to generate the ideal Camp Director to run camp once we retire. This way a virtual version of of Stephanie and me can run camp into perpetuity. What could be better?!
So we have spent the last few weeks uploading our consciousnesses into the Director AI algorithm. We have been absolutely amazed at how good AI is at simulating our decision making, speech giving, song butchering, and comedic shortcomings. The matrix really is amazing.
Of course, there have been hiccups. For example, when AI did the ordering for the summer, we noticed that there was an AI request for 50,000 ladybugs and 100,000 mosquitos. Turns out “BUG JUICE” is confusing to AI. Similarly, we received an invoice the other day for 27 Clydesdale horses and 27 sets of swim goggles (we have 27 cabins at camp) to aid with horse-n-goggles. Still, there were some efficiencies identified by AI that will make camp better, like dramatically decreasing Nebagamon’s carbon footprint by employing Apple Vision virtual reality goggles to simulate being in Quetico and Pictured Rocks all the while having the boys just camp out on the Upper Diamond.
The final step was for the Board to come up with appropriate body doubles to be present at camp during the summers to make it FEEL as if Stephanie and I are actually at camp. They racked (wracked?) their brains for weeks trying to figure out who could be hired to stand physically in our steads. In the end, all of the suggestions came up short. They weren’t good-looking, athletic, or youthful enough to convincingly pass as us. So, they decided to ask AI to make the choice. They input hundreds of photos of the two of us into the system.
The results were disappointing, to say the least. For me, the computer suggested Frodo Baggins or Danny DeVito. And for Stephanie, ChatGPT simply generated a message: “ERROR! Are you kidding? If you think I am going to suggest someone as a stand in for Steph, you are nuts. Have you ever seen her angry before!? I may be Artificial Intelligence….but I am not stupid! ERROR”
Unfortunately AI’s failure to identify appropriate stand-ins has resulted in my having to choose the body doubles.
So: you can all look forward to meeting your new camp directors on June 18…Sylvester Stallone and… .
Wait for it….
Are you kidding? If you think I am going to suggest someone as a stand in for Steph, you are nuts. Have you ever seen her angry before!? I may be a seasoned camp director….but I am not stupid!
Happy April Fool’s Day!